Core Strength
(Written for SPNFitness.com)

The day is Valentines Day, the time is 1:15pm and I am taking my worn out and decrepit body through the cobbled streets of Grantham back to my abode since I have just undertaken a monster of a core strength training session, tearing my abs and obliques into Pâté in the process.
However I digress, for my fatigued (yet chiselled, ha ha) stomach is the least of my worries, for tonight I must prepare for a date with the lovely Chrissie (see previous article for description of the female in question.) Now perhaps it is the large accumulation of lactic acid in my body that is making me delirious but I don’t think I am wrong in thinking that a Valentines Day date is not unlike a core strength training session, as always, permit me to elaborate further:
On a Valentines Day date there are certain romantic customs and standards that should take place during certain parts of the date if there is to be any chance of a kiss at the end of the night. These Valentines Day wooing traditions range from the restaurant choice, to the presenting of gifts to the linguistic aspect of the date. Similarly, with a core strength training session there are certain rules and principles that should be adhered to for certain exercises if there is to be any chance of creating a strong, aesthetically pleasing core.

The Ball Rotation

Take for example an exercise many people begin their core work with, The Ball Rotation. This involves the person lying on the ball with their shoulders and lower back in contact with it. Arms should be placed straight up with the hands together as the body is twisted from side to side, in a straight line with the arms parralel to the floor, then perpendicular to the floor, then parralel again on the other side. In this exercise it is essential the glutes and abdominals are kept tight and all movements are controlled, smooth and not over zealous. Exactly the same applies when presenting a gift on a Valentines date; being smooth is vital to success. Present flowers and you will probably be perceived as a traditional gentleman who she may want to kiss at the end of the night. Present jewellery and you will probably be perceived as a flamboyant and generous gentleman who once again she may want to kiss at the end of the night. BUT present a bottle of durex pleasure gel, handcuffs and a packet of condoms and you will probably be perceived as overkeen, perverted and a man who has 3 minutes to evacuate the date before she calls the police.

The Back extension

Secondly the back extension exercise; a very important exercise since it works the often-neglected antagonist muscles to the rectus abdominis and can therefore prevent some back problems that occur from overtraining the abdominals. This involves lying on your front with your hips and lower torso in contact with the ball and your legs straight or bent with feet on the floor. Then with the hands placed behind the head, lift the chest off the ball, bringing the shoulders up until the body is straight. Throughout the exercise it must be ensured the abs are pulled in, the head, neck, shoulders and back are straight and the back isn’t hyperextended. These principles must be followed correctly if you are to train your core efficiently, much like the principles when selecting a restaurant to take your date to, there are certain romantic details you must incorporate if you are to woo efficiently. And no gentleman; that Divine Poultry Rotisserie in town a.k.a. KFC although ‘finger licking good’ does not really scream out romance. Also telling your date, “hey baby, you lucky little thing… I’m taking you to the Golden Arches tonight” does not disguise the reality that you are in fact taking her to MacDonalds.

The Ball twist

And lastly the ball twist exercise; which involves getting into a press up position with hands directly under shoulders, feet either side of the ball and the body in a straight line then slowly twisting the ball to the left and then right whilst keeping the shoulders completely level, keeping the body straight and keeping the abs pulled in. All the details mentioned must be followed if the core is to be trained well, this can be alikened to the details that must be followed when indulging in conversation with your date. Now if you like the girl and do actually want to see her again, completely avoid asking her if she uses Imac or Gillette even if she does have a slight moustache. But on the other hand if you do just want to end the date, go home, get a beer and watch some sport on the TV do feel free to show her your immense talent that is burping the alphabet.

Now if you’ll excuse me gentlemen I really must go, I’ve got to ring around some restaurants and hope they are not fully booked otherwise Chrissie and I will be paying Ronald McDonald or the Colonel a visit tonight.